My appearance in court soon after admission many many years ago was punctuated by a mixture of disbelief, utter shock and amusement, not to mention the barrage of questions that ran through my mind as to how long I would be part of the occasional comedy that saw couples wash and air their dirty linen in public. The scenarios did not end then. They went on until early nineties when I decided that I had enough of open-court hearings of matrimonial disputes that thrilled litigants and counsel alike as they awaited their turn.
One early morning, a couple in their late forties were pitched against each other. As the lady narrated her ordeal under the cruelty of her imposing husband, the man interrupted her testimony with “Cambridge F”. Asked what he meant, he explained to the Magistrate that he had paid his wife’s way through college and university in the USA despite her having scored an “F” in O-levels. That is just one of those experiences that sent the entire audience rolling in laughter. Little did I know that my client’s turn would come when she sat transfixed as her husband demonstrated the compromising situation in which he found her. I decided not to cross-examine him in fear of double-blows to my already-devastated client.
Why All This?
Except in recent years when courts resorted to hearing marital disputes in chambers, all litigation, including separation and divorce proceedings, were held in open court. Hearings in the privacy of a Magistrate’s or Judge’s chambers is really an exception rather than the rule. In principle, all cases should be heard in open court where parties can tear each other apart and deliver humiliating blows to crown their heartbreaking dysfunctional relationship in full public view. And this is what happens day after day. Breakup in family relationships is accompanied by humiliation and want of privacy.
The Saving Hand in Mediation
As ADR gains pace in our jurisdiction, more and more people have begun to appreciate the value of privacy and confidentiality in family dispute resolution. Those who are enlightened and seek mediation as their first port of call delight in having their marital disputes resolved in the privacy of a mediator’s office, a private boardroom or beautiful garden where they not only deal with the business at hand in privacy, but also enjoy the punctuating refreshments and light conversation that makes for improved communication. An example is a family mediation I conducted on a public holiday in the boardroom of a golf club where my clients and I were continually refreshed. What could have taken years in court took us less than four hours to resolve. I am not even sure that I would have presented a petition in open court with the devastating complaints presented to me.
The Value of Confidentiality
In mediation, disputants freely express their views and feelings in confidence, guaranteed that –
(a) nothing said within the four walls will ever find its way into public knowledge, except as may be disclosed by either of them;
(b) the mediated settlement is reached on terms that they can live with, and that only they are privy to those terms;
(c) they are fully satisfied that their needs and interests have been accommodated in the outcome of the mediated process;
(d) neither of them would ever call the mediator as witness to give evidence of anything that transpired in the process in the event that either of them petitions a court for any particular reason; and
(e) the security and confidentiality of the process upholds their personal dignity and serves to restore, maintain and strengthen their relationship.
In addition to confidentiality, the cost of mediation is minimal considering that it takes only a few hours to conclude. Moreover, the escalated cost of legal counsel is avoided. The cost in time and emotional distress is also avoided. What more could one ask for?
Let’s Face It
Marital disputes are a common feature of our social life. Regrettably, conflicts in the family front often go unmanaged and escalate into full-blown disputes that rock the very foundations of our existence. And what do many do? They resort to judicial proceedings that have the effect of fueling the flames, not to mention the disproportionate cost of litigation, the emotionally-draining and time-consuming court battles from which the parties emerge as losers with nothing but aggravated adversity to show for it. Little do they know that lawyers and judicial officers cannot, by court orders and decrees, prescribe and impose conditions for a happy family life, which is never beyond the reach of the warring disputants.
Premier ADR Consultants work hand-in-hand with marriage mates with strained marital relations on the verge of breakup and separation to resolve their disputes by means of our transformative conflict management and dispute resolution strategies. We help parties salvage, restore and maintain healthy family relationships in a safe and peaceful environment with guaranteed privacy and confidentiality.
Our expeditious, cost-effective and party-controlled techniques guarantee consumer satisfaction resulting from the voluntary and jointly generated win-win outcomes. We provide the best alternative to the all-familiar costly, time-consuming, adversarial and often emotive court litigation that only works to weaken and ultimately destroy marital and family relations.
Our founder and managing consultant, Dr. K. I. Laibuta, is a chartered arbitrator and mediator. He has a wealth of professional experience spanning three decades in legal practice with more than two decades of practical experience in alternative dispute resolution. Dr. Laibuta is a skilled independent, fair and impartial conflict manager and dispute resolver, who greatly values the parties’ right to equality of opportunity to freely tell their hidden stories and express their deep-seated feelings without fear or reservation. He facilitates joint resolution of disputes in friendly, informal and voluntary mediation sessions in a non-judgmental manner that ensures unqualified respect and personal dignity of each mate, which in turn guarantees trust and confidence in each other.
Premier ADR Consultants subscribe to the immutable principle that “No Conflict or Dispute is Intractable”.
You can learn more by visiting our website at www.adrconsultants.law and like our Facebook page for our weekly posts and monthly newsletter.
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